Judge Samuel B. Kent, saving Civil Procedure from pure boredom

While Civil Procedure certainly has its purposes, as a 1L, its only purpose is to bore me to death and lose precious brain cells. However, two cases have seemingly saved me from the grasps of a law coma, both written by the honorable Judge Samuel B. Kent who has written two of the funniest decisions I have read in my short legal career. Smith v. Colonial Penn Insurance Co and Bolivia v. Philip Morris are the cases I am referring to (I'm not including citations because, well, that would feel like writing a paper, and dammit, I'm not).

Clearly, Judge Kent is bored in the apparently non exciting legal world of Galveston, Texas because he makes his own excitement in writing decisions.

Excerpts from Bolivia v. Philip Morris, discussing why he is transferring jurisdiction to Washington DC:

"This is one of at least six similar actions brought by foreign governments in various courts throughout the United States. The governments of Guatemala, Panama, Nicaragua, Thailand, Venezuela, and Bolivia have filed suit in the geographically diverse locales of Washington, D.C., Puerto Rico, Texas, Louisiana, and Florida, in both state and federal courts. Why none of these countries seems to have a court system their own governments have confidence in is a mystery to this Court."

"the Court can hardly imagine why the Republic of Bolivia elected to file suit in the veritable hinterlands of Brazoria County, Texas. The Court seriously doubts whether Brazoria County has ever seen a live Bolivian ... even on the Discovery Channel. Though only here by removal, this humble Court by the sea is certainly flattered by what must be the worldwide renown of rural Texas courts for dispensing justice with unparalleled fairness and alacrity, apparently in common discussion even on the mountain peaks of Bolivia!"

Wait, there's more!

"Regardless of, and having nothing to do with, the outcome of Defendants' request for transfer and consolidation, it is the Court's opinion that the District of Columbia, located in this Nation's capital, is a much more logical venue for the parties and witnesses in this action because, among other things, Plaintiff has an embassy in Washington, D.C., and thus a physical presence and governmental representatives there, whereas there isn't even a Bolivian restaurant anywhere near here! Although the jurisdiction of this Court boasts no similar foreign offices, a somewhat dated globe is within its possession. While the Court does not therefrom profess to understand all of the political subtleties of the geographical transmogrifications ongoing in Eastern Europe, the Court is virtually certain that Bolivia is not within the four counties over which this Court presides, even though the words Bolivia and Brazoria are a lot alike and caused some real, initial confusion until the Court conferred with its law clerks."

While this is certainly not Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld funny, you have to appreciate the sarcasm spewing forth from Judge Kent's mouth in delivering this opinion. A legal scholar and writer, Judge Kent is not, but he definitely makes Civ Pro a lot more fun!